Welcome, you sexy Princes and Princesses of the Earth, to the inaugral edition of the
ExXxalted Forum, where all you Chosen can send in letters detailing your steamy erotic encounters. From liasons with demons, raksha, automata or, Heaven forfend, even mortals, we here at the Forum are not here to judge you, but to live vicariously through your exploits and hopefully learn a little bit about the Exalted condition in the process.
Our first letter comes from V'n.M. in the Imperial City. He writes:
"I'm an official at the Spiral Academy, and I've never taken advantage of my position to secure partners. It's not like I need to, as I'm as attractive a Dragon-Blooded bureaucrat as one will ever find in the Scarlet Prefecture. However, I once supervised a young number cruncher named Takar and shared with him one of the wildest romps in my life. It all started when I noticed he kept bringing me his numbers to check to my office after all the other students had retired. Then, I caught these subtle signals he sent: making eyes at me in class, holding onto my hand longer than was proper when thanking me for checking his work and laying across my desk with his bottom in the air, vigorously wiggling it at me.
"During one of my periodic checks of his work, I noted that he was attempting to ship a sky mantis tower to another location, despite the fact that no such transfer had been authorized. Confronted with his rather obvious attempt to cicumvent the proper channels, an offense that might lead to his expulsion, he asked if there might be 'anything he could do to make sure this stayed off of his permanent record'. Again, stickler for the rules though I may be, I'm not about to turn down a chance to [BOWDLERIZED] my [BOWDLERIZED] in some hot academy [BOWDLERIZED]. I swear, that man [BOWDLERIZED] my [BOWDLERIZED] until I [BOWDLERIZED] my [BOWDLERIZED] all over his hot young [BOWDLERIZED].
"Needless to say, he passed the course.
"I hear he works for the Foreign Office in sunny Chiarscuro now, a position I'm sure he worked very hard to acheive, if my time with him is any indication."
Our next letter comes to us from H.J. in Malfeas. She writes:
"You won't believe what happened to me, one of the Sun's own Chosen. I never thought I'd lose my virginity to a deathknight
—and certainly not in Hell. It all started when the Disciple convinced me that it would be in the best interest of both the Unconquered Sun and his own dark masters if we were to gather intelligence on the comings and goings of a weird group of akuma operting from something called the Conventicle Malfeasant deep in the heart of the Demon City. I know it sounds odd for a Lawgiver such as myself.to trust one of the Abyssal Exalted, but in the First Age, our prior selves shared a... special bond. Besides, I'm a pretty good judge of character.
"Traveling to Malfeas via a gate of auspicious passage located at the base of the Imperial Mountain, we found ourselves with a lot of ground (and layers) to cover in order to reach the twitsed edifice that was our ultimate goal. To avoid a band of marauding blood apes, we decided to cut through a weird forest full of writhing brass trees.
"Having been dragged to Hell itself for what was potentially some wild mospid chase, I began to find myself getting more and more annoyed by the Disciple's presence. He was all 'Blah, blah, as you wish this' and 'Blah, blah charming that" until I finally got fed up with him and decided to [BOWDLERIZED]ing kill the mother[BOWDLERIZED]er. (Did I mention I was raised as an assassin by a demon cult?) However, he was good and didn't go down easy (no pun intended). After shooting him a couple of times and stabbing him in the back for good measure, I noticed the bulge of his [BOWDLERIZED]. Also, the longer the fight went on, the more [BOWDLERIZED] my [BOWDLERIZED] became.
"Overcome by lust, he threw me to the ground, tore of my [BOWDLERIZED] and began [BOWDLERIZED] my hot [BOWDLERIZED] with his [BOWDLERIZED]. Not to be outdone, I proceded to [BOWDLERIZED] his turgid [BOWDLERIZED].
"Switching positions, he drove his [BOWDLERIZED] into my virginal [BOWDLERIZED]. Having never had a [BOWDLERIZED] inside my [BOWDLERIZED] before, I'm no expert, but I believe he may well have [BOWDLERIZED] a [BOWDLERIZED] a time or two before. Anyway, things went on this way for hours, with each of us exploring the other's [BOWDLERIZED] until we were spent from all the [BOWDLERIZED].
"Things got a little weird after we left the forest, though not nearly as weird as when we got captured by Ligier. But that's another story..."
Our final letter comes from R.B. of the Isle of Voices. He writes:
"It's interesting that most sorcerers seem to agree that neomah are demonkind's premiere lovemakers. Being a bit older, and more jaded, I've begun to explore the erotic potential of other denezins of Malfeas and have found that the perronele is one of demonkind's most enderestimated lovers. I mean, you can wear one under your robes, and no one's the wiser. And one can literally form orifices anywhere one itself. You see where I'm going with this. I mean, don't get me wrong. I like hot, nubile, purple demonflesh as much as the next summoner, but I prefer a demon that can I can [BOWDLERIZED] while it [BOWDLERIZED] my [BOWDLERIZED] and [BOWDLERIZED] my [BOWDLERIZED] simultaneously, all while I'm busy hosting an alumni dinner with no one the wiser. It certainly makes putting up with insufferable Dynastic [BOWDLERIZED] a lot easier than it otherwise would be."
That's it for this edition. Don't forget to send in your own story's to the following address:
Box 69
House Cynis
The Palace of Trees
Pangu Prefecture
* * *
In all seriousness folks, thanks for making our
ExXxalted April Fool's gag a rousing success. we've sold nearly 1,000 copies so far (and I hesitate to add, management's said that we get to make a real book if we sell 5,000+ copies). I'll talk to you again in a couple of weeks.
Posted
8 Apr 2009 4:07 PM
by
johnny redactor