Torment Jokes!

FiveEighthsAPromethean:

Non-euclidean humor!

Assaulted peanut?

An Ulgan is wandering through the mall, trying to understand people.  He goes into the Disney Store, and starts looking at stuffed animals and characters.  A little girl and her mother approach.  The mother says "Don't you like this Pinocchio dolly, honey?"  The little gril frowns and says "I don't like these pretend stories anymore, mommy."  The Promethean screams and sends a demon into the little girl.

"IT WAS REAL TO MEEEEEE!!!"

A Zeka that managed to nab a job as a janitor is cleaning up messes in an office kitchen and takes a momentary reprieve to enjoy the radiation emanating from a nearby microwave. The microwave behind him dings, and an office worker sidles by the Zeka and says, "Don't stand in front of this thing for too long if you want kids."

The Zeka shrieks and chars the unsuspecting office worker.

"I LOVE KIDS BUT THEY'LL NEVER LOVE MEEEEEEE!"

A Tammuz stands watching a soccer field through pouring rain as a kid plays in the mud, frittering to and fro getting himself dirty. The child's mother pulls up in a van and calls to him, "Don't play in the mud, you're going to get sick!"

Without warning, the Promethean picks up a soccer ball and launches a hole clean through the van crying out, "THE MUD IS SICK OF YOU NOT PLAYING WITH ITTTTTTT!"

theyounghornydoctor:

A promethean is working in a graveyard as caretaker when he overhears a vampire seduceing a mortal.When the vamp is about to turn the girl the promethean mid torment throws as tombstone a the head of the vamp,taking the head off and when the girl comes to she finds the promethean scolding her."I'VE BEEN HERE FOR 200 YEARS..YOU WANT TO LIVE THAT LONG?!NO!"

...I can almost see this seriously happening in a game, somehow.