Shadow Thorn Style - Custom Infernal Martial Art

Hi All,
Killjoy and I are working on a compilation of custom demons (so far we are calling it the Scroll of Limbs), and in the course of working up various entities, we find ourselves needing martial arts for their use.  Here is the first (preceded by a brief clip on the demon it is for).  Please give us some feedback.

Gravia, the Fulminous Thorn Raptor
Demon of the Second Circle
Messenger Soul of the Laurel of Razors (6^th Soul of the Silent Wind)
The moment before a thunderclap is silent, the second after the lightning bolt is dark.  The falcon strikes, screaming silently, and the thorn pierces without motion.  Stealth is a function of blinding the senses – sometimes with darkness but also with light, sometimes with silence but also with clamour.  Sometimes the most deadly attacks rely on the attacker’s own aggression.  Gravia loves life, and so she kills.  She loves the wild beating of a mortal’s heart and so she stops it.  Gravia does all things with flair and passion – not for her are cold, logical actions – she is glorious like lightning, silent as thunder, beautiful as shadow, and as deadly as a poisoned thorn.
When she wishes not to be seen, Gravia remains just on the edge of perception, a sound and a shadow, a menace just out of sight.  However, when she chooses to appear, she is a perilous beauty, with long, dark hair, pale skin, and icy hot sapphire eyes.  Two slender horns poke out just below her hairline, and her teeth are delicate razors.  She wears crimson robes of the finest silk that cling to her lithe frame, and which are pierced by delicate spikes.  When she needs to kill, her sapphire nails elongate into lethal talons, and her voice becomes shrill and harsh.  She is a tease, but a skilled and dangerous lover – only the Exalted can survive her affections.  Her teasing nature carries over into battle – she will maim both body and soul.  Only once victims have been cowed, broken, and scarred will she move in for the kill.

Shadow Thorn Style
Shadow Thorn Style is the personal martial art of Gravia, the Fulminous Thorn Raptor, Demon of the Second Circle. Gravia wishes to experience ecstasy in all things and she takes particular pleasure in the measured brutality of her art. She is a creature of lightning and shadow, speed and brutality, beauty and passion and her fighting style embodies these principles well. She seeks to end life in the most spectacular and brutal ways possible, reveling in the horrified faces of shocked onlookers.  Such is the ecstasy and abandon required by this style, it is impossible for the those with strong self-discipline to embrace its ways - it may not be practiced by those with a Temperance 3 or higher.   Practitioners may use knives, shuriken, and their artifact equivalents in place of Gravia's thorns.  Shadow Thorn style may not be practiced in armor.  

1. Falling Shadow Method
Cost: 3m; Mins: Martial Arts 3, Essence 2;
Type: Reflexive
Keywords: Combo-OK,
Duration: Instant
Prerequisite Charms: None

The martial artist is a blur of violence, throwing herself into every conflict without hesitation. This charm is invoked when joining battle and allows the character to effectively act first on tick 0 regardless of rolls. If another charm comes into conflict, this grants a number of successes to the join battle roll equal to the character's Essence.

2. Dancing Shadow Assault
Cost: 4m; Mins: Martial Arts 3, Essence 3
Type: Reflexive (Step 1)
Keywords: Combo-Ok
Duration: Flurry
Prerequisite Charms: Falling Shadow Method
Shadows flow around the martial artist's strike, confusing and disorienting the target.
When unarmed, the character doubles the onslaught penalties she causes her foe as a result of a flurry containing this charm.  This charm supplements an entire flurry, rather than each attack within it, and so the mote cost need only be paid once/flurry.

3. Shadow Thorn Form
Cost: 5m; Mins: Martial Arts 4, Essence 3;
Type: Simple (Speed 4, DV -1)
Keywords: Form, Obvious
Duration: One scene
Prerequisite Charms: Dancing Shadow Assault
The Shadow Thorn martial artists performs a quick kata and inhales deeply. As she slowly releases her breath, her eyes blaze with the light of shattered sapphires, and wisps of shadowy essence begin to coalesce around her body. The shadows merge with her own and her features darken as if only dimly lit by candle light. Her reflexes quicken and sparks of glowing, blue lightning crackle over her knuckles.
For the rest of the scene, the characters attacks inflict lethal damage. If the character is using weapons or charms that would already provide lethal damage, she instead adds two to her damage. Additionally, the character's shadow wraps around her and traces her movements, creating disturbing after-images that confuse her enemy's attacks. The character adds her MA rating to her Dodge DV calculation. 

4. Lightning Thorn Embrace
Cost: 3m+1LHL; Mins: Martial Arts 4, Essence 3;
Type: Reflexive
Keywords: Combo-OK, Obvious, Counterattack (Step 9)
Duration: Instant
Prerequisite Charms: Shadow Thorn Form

It is impossible to catch lightning much less hold it. Those that try quickly come to regret their actions. Whenever a Shadow Thorn practitioner grappled, her player may use this charm to channel crackling lightning through her body and into her opponent as a counter-attack. This attack uses the standard clinch dice pool, dealing (Essence + Martial Arts) dice of piercing lethal damage.

 

5. Actinic Sapphire Barb
Cost: 4m or 5m, 1W; Mins: Martial Arts 5, Essence 3;
Type: Supplemental
Keywords: Combo-OK, Obvious
Duration: Instant
Prerequisite Charms: Lightning Thorn Embrace
The martial artist's fist crackles with arcane lightning as she strikes her foe with a devastating blow. If an attack supplemented by this charm hits and inflicts at least one level of damage, then a brilliant arc of lightning erupts from the principle target and strikes the nearest (Martial Arts) persons within Essence yards (the practitioner cannot control the selection, and the charm does not distinguish friend from foe). This arc deals the character's (Essence + Martial Arts) in bashing damage. Alternatively, the character can focus the arc into a single bolt that only affects one additional target but has a damage of (Essence + Martial Arts) in lethal piercing damage. This attack costs 5 motes. 

6. Sight-Stealing Brilliance Strike
Cost: 4m; Mins: Martial Arts 5, Essence 4;
Type: Supplemental
Keywords: Combo-ok, Crippling, Obvious
Duration: Instant
Prerequisite Charms: Lightning Thorn Embrace
  As she strikes her victim, the practitioner's Essence explodes in blinding light, robbing him of vision.  If the attack succeeds, the victim takes no damage, but loses the ability to see for the rest of the scene, with all the usual penalties associated with blindness.

7. Shadow Scythe Technique
Cost: 3m, 1W; Mins: Martial Arts 4, Essence 3;
Type: Supplemental
Keywords: Combo-OK, Obvious, Crippling
Duration: Instant
Prerequisite Charms: Shadow Thorn Form
Fleeing does not guarantee safety from a Shadow Thorn practitioner. Those that run will suffer the most of all. After a moment's concentration, the shadows of the character's shuriken harden and lengthen, producing a wicked looking blade unique to each practitioner. The character may reflexively spend one mote to recall the blade to her hand after an attack and gains limited control of the blade, allowing it to ignore DV bonuses from cover. This enhanced shuriken cuts vicious wounds in its enemies, severing limbs as its target flees in terror. The martial artist can sever limbs based on the severity of the damage. One post soak success will sever a hand or several fingers. Three will remove an arm or a leg. Five plus successes will sever the spine or decapitate the victim if the damage would kill them. Extras are gruesomely decapitated if the practitioner rolls two or more successes on damage.

8. Shadowed Lightning Flash
Cost: 5m; Mins: Martial Arts 5, Essence 3;
Type: Supplemental
Keywords: Combo-OK
Duration: Instant
Prerequisite Charms: Shadow Scythe Technique
Speed can overwhelm the senses. None know this better than the victims of the Shadow Thorns. The martial artist attacks the target with blinding speed from the corner of their opponents awareness. The victim reacts to the attack all too late - only to find the character has already bypassed even the most puissant defenses. The attack is unexpected.  If the defender has some method to defend against unexpected attacks, he still suffers a DV penalty equal to the attacker's Martial Arts score.  This attack inflicts a minimum of the attacker's Martial Arts rating in levels of damage.

9. Lightning Razor Shadows
Cost: 5m, 1W; Mins: Martial Arts 5, Essence 4;
Type: Extra Action
Keywords: Combo-ok, Obvious
Duration: Instant
Prerequisite Charms: Actinic Sapphire Barb, Sight-Stealing Brilliance Strike, Shadowed Lightning Flash
The martial artist's shadow fills with streaks of blue lightning, and then shatters into a thousand thorns as she attacks.  She makes (Essence+1) attacks at her full dice pool as part of a magical flurry, with a DV penalty of -1.  She may attack any opponent within Essence yards, and does not need to concentrate her attacks on a single opponent.  

10. Sense-Devouring Nightmare Strike
Cost: 6m, 1W; Mins: Martial Arts 5, Essence 5;
Type: Simple
Keywords: Combo-basic, Crippling, Obvious
Duration: Instant
Prerequisite Charms: Lightning Razor Shadows
The practitioner's Essence explodes in a raging storm of light and sound, which collapses into a sensory singularity gripped in the fighter's clenched fist.  In its wake, all light and sound cease for a split second out to a spear-cast.  The exalt strikes, and all that captured energy is released in a single attack of unholy joy. 
The attack is unblockable and adds (Essence) to the attack, but that is scarcely what makes it so deadly.  The pent-up sensations course through the victim's Essence pattern, shredding the connections that link his soul to his body.   The victim must make an (Essence+Integrity) roll, versus a difficulty of (10-victim's Essence).  Success leaves the victim stunned and overwhelmed, forcing them to rejoin the battle by re-rolling Join Battle.  If the victim fails, he loses a number of senses equal to the degree by which he failed.  Thus, missing the difficulty by 2 means the loss of two senses, and so forth.  If the victim failed by more than 5 and yet did not botch, the remainder is converted to 1 level of aggravated damage.  Senses lost to this charm are gone, and may only be restored using Celestial level healing effects.  If the target botches, a small portion of his soul tears loose, stripping him of a point of permanent Essence, which may be recovered through experience.  Regardless of the outcome, this is a deeply traumatic experience for the victim, but exhilarating for the martial artist.  She may roll to regain Willpower, as if she had just experienced a restful sleep.

 

Charm 1: maybe 3m because of the level of goodness (should stack up to, cost wise, snake join battle boost).
Charm 2: Should be reflexive step 1 and duration (Flurry) or (tick) because of combo rules.
Charm 3: Straightforward seems okay
Charm 4: Clinches are contested roles and do not procede through attack resoluation in quite the same way, For the cost I think this could be reflexive and (cost 3m1bhl adding X peircing dice to all attacks and inflicting it upon those who touch you like cunnoing procupine)
Charm 5: I'd suggest modelling this un an environmental effet ratther than a large number of rolled attacks.
Charm 6: To expensive to be as high in the tree as it is.  Make it unblockable or something.
CHarm 7: Martial arts and essence should not be lower than form
Charm 8: Insta surprise tends to be boring. Especially combo-ok supplemental insta surprise.
CHarm 9: This is a weak iron whirlwind.  it should be more for its cost and essence score.

Pinnacle: Get back to you on this gotta run.

Tyranoichthys rex:

Practitioners may use knives and their artifact equivalents to simulate Gravia's natural claws and shuriken in place of her "thorns".

Tiger claws make more sense as a replacement for Gravia's natural claws than knives--even punch daggers make more sense than regular knives.

Jive as always thanks for the help. Didn't realize that we left Shadow Scythe with those minimums. It used to be earlier in the tree and didn't get updated.

mercucio:

Tiger claws make more sense as a replacement for Gravia's natural claws than knives

JiveX:

Charm 1: maybe 3m because of the level of goodness (should stack up to, cost wise, snake join battle boost). 

Changed

JiveX:

Charm 2: Should be reflexive step 1 and duration (Flurry) or (tick) because of combo rules.

 
I suspected as much, but am usually wary of the Reflexive designation.  I appreciate the suggestion, and made the change.

JiveX:

Charm 3: Straightforward seems okay

Yay!

JiveX:

Charm 4: Clinches are contested roles and do not procede through attack resoluation in quite the same way, For the cost I think this could be reflexive and (cost 3m1bhl adding X peircing dice to all attacks and inflicting it upon those who touch you like cunnoing procupine)

The initial roll for a clinch is a basic attack (which uses normal resolution rules), followed by the contested roll.  This is intended to hurt the opponent as they attempt to initiate the clinch, not during the normal clinch process.  I was trying to avoid stepping on cunning porcupine's toes too much - they are sharp.

JiveX:

Charm 5: I'd suggest modelling this un an environmental effet ratther than a large number of rolled attacks.

I thought about it - but wanted the flexibility of the chain-lightning or the single stroke.  Rather than a bunch of attacks, would it work to use the initial roll as an attack against the secondary targets?

JiveX:

Charm 6: To expensive to be as high in the tree as it is.  Make it unblockable or something.

4m is too expensive, for something that steals your sight for the rest of the scene?

JiveX:

CHarm 7: Martial arts and essence should not be lower than form

Gah!  I thought I caught all of those and fixed them. 

JiveX:

Charm 8: Insta surprise tends to be boring. Especially combo-ok supplemental insta surprise.

That was an area we debated.  Ultimately, we felt that it was in theme with the demon.  We also hoped we might get some advice to make it more exciting.  Thoughts? 

JiveX:

CHarm 9: This is a weak iron whirlwind.  it should be more for its cost and essence score.

Again, a charm that has seen much discussion since it was originally conceived.  It was initially her launching body-thorns, but that does not work so well for non-spiky practitioners.  As for how it stacks against Iron Whirlwind, it is fewer attacks, but they can be made at range - though perhaps the range needs to expand? 

JiveX:

Pinnacle: Get back to you on this gotta run.

Look forward to your thoughts - enjoy real life! ;)

Killjoy:

mercucio:

Tiger claws make more sense as a replacement for Gravia's natural claws than knives

Good catch. I honestly didn't think about that when we were creating the style. I will see what T. Rex thinks since the style is his brain child and see if he wants to change it around. Thanks.

I actually wanted to avoid tiger claws.  Frankly, they are in lots of Exalted martial arts, and knives don't get the love they deserve, relative to their prominence in real martial arts.  I tweaked the flavor text to reference the thorns exclusively, of which knives are good emulations.   Does the change satisfy the symbolic needs for form weapons?

Tyranoichthys rex:

I actually wanted to avoid tiger claws.  Frankly, they are in lots of Exalted martial arts, and knives don't get the love they deserve, relative to their prominence in real martial arts.

Huh. I only felt knives were under-represented because most styles are not knife-styles--then again you can say the same thing about short swords.

Tyranoichthys rex:

I tweaked the flavor text to reference the thorns exclusively, of which knives are good emulations.   Does the change satisfy the symbolic needs for form weapons?

Yep.

Cool - what do you think of the thematics - do the charms seem appropriate for the effects we described this demon as having?

Tyranoichthys rex:

Killjoy:

mercucio:

Tiger claws make more sense as a replacement for Gravia's natural claws than knives

Good catch. I honestly didn't think about that when we were creating the style. I will see what T. Rex thinks since the style is his brain child and see if he wants to change it around. Thanks.

I actually wanted to avoid tiger claws.  Frankly, they are in lots of Exalted martial arts, and knives don't get the love they deserve, relative to their prominence in real martial arts.  I tweaked the flavor text to reference the thorns exclusively, of which knives are good emulations.   Does the change satisfy the symbolic needs for form weapons?

Tyranoichthys rex:

Cool - what do you think of the thematics - do the charms seem appropriate for the effects we described this demon as having?

Before I even touch the Charms, I want to point out two things that bother me in Gravia's desc:

Gravia loves life, and so she kills.  She loves the wild beating of a mortal’s heart and so she stops it.

Loving life so she kills make no sense. Loving the wild beating of a mortal's heart and stopping it makes no sense. Loving to speed up a mortal's heart until it beats like thunder, then snuffing it when it can take no more--that makes more sense, and ties the line closer to the theme of the growing fury of a storm and the sudden silence that fills the air when it is spent.

beautiful as shadow

"Beautiful" and "shadow" have nothing to do with each other thematically. Alluring as a shadow hiding the face of lover might work, however.

mercucio:

Tyranoichthys rex:

Cool - what do you think of the thematics - do the charms seem appropriate for the effects we described this demon as having?

Before I even touch the Charms, I want to point out two things that bother me in Gravia's desc:

Gravia loves life, and so she kills.  She loves the wild beating of a mortal’s heart and so she stops it.

Loving life so she kills make no sense. Loving the wild beating of a mortal's heart and stopping it makes no sense. Loving to speed up a mortal's heart until it beats like thunder, then snuffing it when it can take no more--that makes more sense, and ties the line closer to the theme of the growing fury of a storm and the sudden silence that fills the air when it is spent.

beautiful as shadow

"Beautiful" and "shadow" have nothing to do with each other thematically. Alluring as a shadow hiding the face of lover might work, however.

I think I see where you are coming from.  Let me see if I can explain why Gravia, and her sisters, are written the way they are.  They are part of one of Adorjan's souls - the Laurel of Razors, who represents the penalty you pay for winning.  The pain, the misery, the burdens that are inherent in being victorious and claiming your prize.  The loser is the one who is free, who is truly liberated by the act of losing - just as Adorjan is now free. 
Each of the Laurel's souls is twisted by this fundamental logic - they are personifications of skewed perceptions.  Thus, we come to Gravia - you don't remain unnoticed in the Demon City by being quiet, nor do you hide in the shadows to remain safe.  No, you join in the clamor, and relish the blazing, nuclear fire of Ligier, because then you blend in. 
As for the specifics - if you love something, and you are normal, you encourage the behavior/person/thing.  If you are a twisted broken shard of an insane principle from before time, you maybe have a different perspective on what loving life means.  I was delibrately trying to emphasize the oddity of the demon, without coming out and saying "she is totally nuts, and her whole perspective is fundamentally alien to everything we as humans know and understand."  Maybe I should have said that.

Tyranoichthys rex:

I think I see where you are coming from.  Let me see if I can explain why Gravia, and her sisters, are written the way they are.  They are part of one of Adorjan's souls - the Laurel of Razors, who represents the penalty you pay for winning.  The pain, the misery, the burdens that are inherent in being victorious and claiming your prize.  The loser is the one who is free, who is truly liberated by the act of losing - just as Adorjan is now free. 

Now this is something you should have included in Gravia's entry originally.

Tyranoichthys rex:

If you are a twisted broken shard of an insane principle from before time, you maybe have a different perspective on what loving life means.  I was delibrately trying to emphasize the oddity of the demon, without coming out and saying "she is totally nuts, and her whole perspective is fundamentally alien to everything we as humans know and understand."  Maybe I should have said that.

You definitely should have. More to the point I was trying to allude to that--her broken, alien perspective--by offering the alternative phrasings which still held to the original theme you were trying to express.

I'll have to find a way to work it in.

mercucio:

Tyranoichthys rex:

I think I see where you are coming from.  Let me see if I can explain why Gravia, and her sisters, are written the way they are.  They are part of one of Adorjan's souls - the Laurel of Razors, who represents the penalty you pay for winning.  The pain, the misery, the burdens that are inherent in being victorious and claiming your prize.  The loser is the one who is free, who is truly liberated by the act of losing - just as Adorjan is now free. 

Now this is something you should have included in Gravia's entry originally.

Tyranoichthys rex:

If you are a twisted broken shard of an insane principle from before time, you maybe have a different perspective on what loving life means.  I was delibrately trying to emphasize the oddity of the demon, without coming out and saying "she is totally nuts, and her whole perspective is fundamentally alien to everything we as humans know and understand."  Maybe I should have said that.

You definitely should have. More to the point I was trying to allude to that--her broken, alien perspective--by offering the alternative phrasings which still held to the original theme you were trying to express.