Torment Jokes!

A Promethean at the zoo watching with penguins with his hand on the glass. A little boy walks up and says, "Don't you just love penguins mister?" Then the Promethean bellows, "I CANNOT LOVEEEEEE! and smashes the glass and all the water comes rushing out.

Wah wah waaaaaah!

A promethean is sitting at a bar on his tenth shot. He orders a double. The bartender eyes him suspiciously "Don't think you've had enough?" The Promethean smashes the bar table and throws the bartender into the rack of booze and screams, "I CAN NEVER HAVE ENOUGH! I DON'T HAVE A LIVERRRRR"

Doh!

A promethean sits at Nascar and watches dully as the cars run in circles around the long track. An uptight young man who doesn't look like he belongs at this event leans over and says to him, "I never really got the point of watching cars go in circles. Here, have my chili dog, I'm leaving." Then the Proth shoots up, rams the chili dog down the guys throat and howls, "MY LIFE IS NOTHING BUT CIRCLESSSS!"

After months of walking up and down the interstate collecting trash for recycling the Promethean finally gets enough money to go the movie theater where they are showing a midnight matinee of the Rockey Horror Picture Show, about halfway through the Promethean in blinding torment launches his chair at Dr. Frankenfurther lamenting, "YOU PEOPLE THINK THIS IS FUNNNNNNYYYY???"

wh
what

Can it be that my Promethean Jokes are unnacceptable even by mortals? NOOOOOO! /Torment

I'm actually laughing out loud at these. These scenarios oddly resemble those Beef Jerky commercials with Big Foot, and whatever fun the humans are trying to have fling Big Foot into a rage.

AND

A Promethean finds a support group in the church's basement for survivors of abusive husbands, one woman tearfully relates a particularly traumatic family picnic of being beaten up by her husband wielding a barbecue grill, the Promethean stands up and bellows "WELCOME TO EVERY TIME I GO TO CHILI'S!"

Yeah! Centimani is on board! That was excellent my man.

I'll come up with a few more today for everyone's amusement. Us Promies got to laugh to keep from crying, ya know?

A Promethean stands staring at a grandfather clock in a clock shop, watching wistfully as the pendulum swings to and fro. he is approached by the store manager who lays a hand on his shoulder and says, "You like her, son? It was made in Germany by the finest craftsman the country's ever known."

BONUS! Choose your own ending!

Ending 1: The Promie suddenly yanks the pendulum from the clock and strikes the poor clock store owner down as he trembles with rage! "I HAVE NO FATHERRRRR!"

Ending 2: With a crash the Promie breaks the clock, smashing it into tiny pieces. He turns to the store owner and cries out, "AT LEAST IT KNEW WHO MADE ITTTTTT!"

FiveEighthsAPromethean:

A Promethean stands staring at a grandfather clock in a clock shop, watching wistfully as the pendulum swings to and fro. he is approached by the store manager who lays a hand on his shoulder and says, "You like her, son? It was made in Germany by the finest craftsman the country's ever known."

BONUS! Choose your own ending!

Ending 1: The Promie suddenly yanks the pendulum from the clock and strikes the poor clock store owner down as he trembles with rage! "I HAVE NO FATHERRRRR!"

Ending 2: With a crash the Promie breaks the clock, smashing it into tiny pieces. He turns to the store owner and cries out, "AT LEAST IT KNEW WHO MADE ITTTTTT!"

i was half expecting "MY DADDY'S FROM GERMANY" you know frankenstein castle is in germany, oh god never mind im bad at jokes

A Frankenstein is mopping the floor of a senior center's recreation hall as the elderly crowd around a Clown performer. The old people begin cheering when the clown starts to dance the MC hammer shuffle. Feeling his torment rising, the Promethean hurls his mop like a spear into the clown's chest, bellowing, "YOU FIND A PANDORAN'S SCUTTLING AMUSING?!"

A promethean is working in a graveyard as caretaker when he overhears a vampire seduceing a mortal.When the vamp is about to turn the girl the promethean mid torment throws as tombstone a the head of the vamp,taking the head off and when the girl comes to she finds the promethean scolding her."I'VE BEEN HERE FOR 200 YEARS..YOU WANT TO LIVE THAT LONG?!NO!

Haha! These are great! You guys got it! Keep em' coming.

A Promethean stands on the deck of a luxury cruise (having snuck aboard, obviously Promie's have difficulty saving for vacation) and grips the cold steel railing on the starboard side, watching as the waves lap at the heel of the ship. One of the other vacationers comes up and leans beside him asking, "Man. This ocean goes on forever. I wonder how deep it goes?"
Without warning, the Promethean picks up and lobs the tourist overboard as he growls loudly, "THERE IS NO END TO THE DEPTHS OF TORMENTTTTT!"

FiveEighthsAPromethean:

"THERE IS NO END TO THE DEPTHS OF TORMENTTTTT!"

O r'yleh?

Ya R'yleh!

Non-euclidean humor! Always a good decision!